If you pay attention, I often post about me and my boyfriend, about happy things. But now, I did something and I'm afraid our relationship not gonna be the same anymore.
My boyfriend just left 2 days ago to go to his Navy training for 2 month. The day he left, I cried, he cried, too. I was so supprised, cuz he's not the type of person who cries over anything. The day after, I cried for the whole day. I'm so used to seeing him everyday,sleep next to him every nights, so now I have a really hard time b/c he's not by my side anymore. My heart hurt so much, from missing him and knowing I can't see him for at least 8 weeks.
My bf told me I'm the 1st person he ever say "I love u" to, and I'm the best gf he's ever had. All of his ex-girlfriends were either cheated on him or they weren't really as close as me and him, or they didn't really care about him as much, including his 4 years x-gf.


=>Then I rememberd that he told me about a box. He told me never look into it, b/c I might never look at him the same. He said everything in there are memories that he had and what made him, HIM. After he moved into my house, he hid the box and was sure that I won't be able to find it. He said even if I do, he trusts that I'll respect him and not look into it. But b/c I miss him so much it hurts, I thought sth in the box might ease the pain (maybe I'll hate him a little so I won't miss him as much). The box was hid up in the attic. Everything in there, are love letters (a bunch of them), pictures, hand-made valentine cards from his 4 years ex-gf. Every single letters, I saw "I love you", "I love you very very much" over and over again. There was also this 1 valentine card, she said "thank god for giving me a gentleman that I can love with all my heart and knowing that he loves me the same, if not more". My bf is not a lovey-dovey type, he doesn't say "love stuff" a lot. But she said she's happy when he said "love kissing you, love holding you in my arms" and she too, knows it was hard for him to said that.

It was a success, I stopped feeling pain, stopped crying but I also stop feeling the same toward him. He lied to me? about the pictures, he said he doesn't like taking picx, so "they" don't have any, he lied about I'm being the 1st person he's ever loved. Lied about his x-gf is not as caring or not as close. I thought I was special, cuz I really care and love him a lot. But this 4 yrs x-gf loved him even more than I do and it was around 4 to 9 months they've been together. Around the same time as me and him right now. She said she wish their love would last not longer but forever. She wrote love letters to him everyday, telling him she misses him and love him nonstop. But they broke up after 4 years
What's going to happen to my relationship with him? We've been together for 5 months now, I thought I was special cuz I thought nobody loves and cares about him as much as I do, but She loved him so much more than I do right now and they still broke up.
I don't know if I'm feeling scare, worry, angry, sad or jealous. But I don't want to talk to him eventhough I miss him so much. I want to say "I love you" to him but I don't want to be like that girl. I want to ask him a bunch of questions but I'm not supposed to look into the box. And I regretted that I did.

P.S: the reason they broke up was b/c after 2 yrs together, she moved to her college (3 hrs away). the other 2 yrs were long distant, but he still drove there once a week, he said he tried to make it work but she didn't. So he got tired and they agreed to break up b/c they kept taking care of their own problems that they didn't have time to each other, it was as if they're not together at all. So they broke up ( it was a happy break up) they're still friend, but don't talk a lot ( i think)

woah..
thats like a drama or a movie haha
but yaa i understand you can feel betrayed
when you come back you should talk to him about it

Could it possibly be that he used the box as a test to see if he could really trust you? Because he knew about the box, he knew that the contents in the box could emotionally damage you but he kept it anyway. Why? If he really loved you and that this ex girlfriend of his meant nothing to him as much as you mean to him now, then why keep it?

I know that my bf now, he tells me the same. He tells me that I am his first love, I am the first person to ever give him the feelings that he has for me now and blah blah blah. And I know and he knows that he has had many ex girlfriends in the past. Many that he has probably said "I love you" to but he said and I trust him, that he didn't mean it. He said that he was young back then and he said it out of habit, not because he truly meant it. Maybe that's the same thing in your bf's case.

He'd be extremely mad at you for invading his privacy and breaking his trust but maybe it's best that you tell him what you saw and tell him that you feel hurt, betrayed, etc. Holding it in will only make things worst and if you want a healthy relationship, you need to communicate and so tell him when he gets back what you did, that you apologize for doing it, but that you need for him to explain to you what is going on.

Wishing you all the best, sweetie <3

This is vaguely like a scene from Jarhead.. minus a few things. Don't send him a dear John letter. Talk to him in person, and I would move on. Just because he said that box made him him. So that's indirectly saying he still has feelings for his ex gf, etc. That sucks.

Why would he tell you about the box when he doesn't want you to open it and look inside? It's almost like he WANTS you to look inside out of curiosity (like the whole Pandora story). Maybe he did it on purpose? I don't know but don't tell him you looked inside. I think you should just wait it out awhile and see what happens. And maybe ask one of his really good friends who knew him for a long time about his old relationship...
Cause it kinda seems weird that he would lie to you, then tell you about this box that would expose all his lies...

It's alright for you to feel betrayed and all that but you have to remember the most important thing here. HE LOVES YOU NOW.

With that other girl it sounded like a pretty serious relationship. I mean four years? That's a lot of time to be with someone. She was probably his first love and taught him a lot about it. When he says "I love you" to you now it's probably from a wiser mature stand point. Maybe he isn't mushy and lovey dovey with you yet because it's only been five months. But give it some time and you'll see. Every relationship is different.

Nothing in that box changes the way he feels right now. Because you are his now, and she is just his past.

Don't let a BOX screw you over!
Like you said, it's only a box of MEMORIES.
Just know that he's in love with YOU now, and nothing in the past will change that.

I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm in a similar situation.
I'd say that its normal for someone to say things like that when its been a serious long-term relationship. But its the past now. There's a reason why they broke up. He chose you. You're with him. There's no need to be jealous of the past...It's normal to feel that way when the ex's are brought up. I think you should be honest though and tell him the truth. Relationships last long because of honesty and trust. ^^

I don't get it. He and his ex were together for 4 years so he obviously either loved her or felt something strong for her right? Otherwise they wouldn't have been together that long.

Just because you're not "special" and not the only girl that he has said "i love you" to doesn't mean anything. Now-a-days everyone says "i love you" like it's nothing anyway. What matters is whether he means it or not.

I don't know why he lied to you either but frankly I don't see anything wrong with the box of pictures and stuff.

And in case you're worried about where your relationship is going...
Just because he and his ex were together for 4 years and they broke up doesn't mean you guys will break up. All you have to worry about is getting through your fights and maintaining a strong relationship.

Was that girlfriend his first girlfriend? Because I think for most people, their first serious relationship is usually more loving (in an open way) than future relationships. I don't mean to say he loved his ex more than you, but perhaps he was more open with expressing his feelings back then. People become jaded over time, especially when they get their hearts broken. For me, I was probably most open with expressing my feelings with my first bf but with my current boyfriend (whom I love more than anyone I've ever been with), I am a bit more reserved.

And again... it is a part of his past. Just because he wants to keep the memories doesn't mean he wants to be back with her. It IS a part of who he is, and it changed him to the person he is today (a better, more mature person, I hope). Appreciate that and don't let petty emotions and jealousy change what you feel for him.

Also, it WAS wrong of you to snoop. But at the same time, what was the point of him telling you about the box? Maybe it really was a test of his trust in you. If so, you kinda failed. But don't let it change things between you. If he loves you, he loves you, and a bunch of old memories in a box is not gonna change that.

I think you should comparing how much his ex gf loves him to how much you love him.
It will only make you doubt yourself & if if you continue to do that than you will be the one who will break the relationship.

You should trust him!
The box is everything that happened in the past, over & done with.
It's what made him into what you see today, & isn't that what you love about him now?
Dont doubt yourself OR him(:

I can so relate to your situation right now. Except .. mine's not so .. drastic.

Well. I honestly can't say anything to help ease your thoughts right now because I'm going through the same thing, so.. :/

i'm gonna be honest w/ you and say that he still loves her................

otherwise they would mean nothing and he wouldn't go through all the trouble to hide it. because LOVELETTERS are not what MADE him. his accomplishments in SCHOOL WORK AND LIFE ARE.

talk to him, if it doesn't get better
find a new bf hun.

-Why would he told me about the box? I don't know, just so if I see it around, i'm not gonna look into it?!
-How many girlfriends has he had? 11
- He doesn't say "i love u" if he doesn't mean it. He said there is only 1 person he says it to, his younger brother, and now me. ( and his 4yrs ex-gf)

I asked him to show me a pix of his 4yrs ex. He showed me the ugliest one, all the other pictures, she looks pretty . I'm so embarrassed right now, cuz i told him "damn, she's...ok, nothing especial about her", but the truth is she's really really reallyyyy pretty, like a model.
And i really can't tell him that I looked inside the box. But I want to ask him about the truth so much. How do i ask him w/o letting him know that I looked inside that box?

whoaa 11 girlfriends??

I think you have every right to know whats in the box... and i also understand why he lied to you. I if i had ex bfs then i would tell my current bf that i never loved my ex's even if i did before because i got over them and no point in making him jealous

anyways, ask his friends if hes ever been close to a gf etc and whatever they say, tell ur bf and be liek umm is there somethign you'd liek to tell me??

i don't get why people keep memory boxes anyway. to me, that's kinda stupid. yes, everyone wants to keep memories, but seriously, is it really necessary to keep all this stuff in a box? can you not just keep it in your head?

anyway, obviously he does love you if you two live together and all. every relationship is different. you aren't gonna be in a relationship now and love them the same way you loved your previous ex.

i know you're really upset and confused..
but can't really blame your bf either...,

Although he hid that box from you..maybe he had a reason to..
because he knows if you saw it, it would hurt you right??

its hard to throw away the memories
but past is past
and like other people said, it's You who he loves now

u opened ur little pandora's box... he warned you, and at the same time with good reason, but you had to find out the hard way.

i would really just trust him on this, the box was his, he loves you now, it might be a little sketchy but at the same time they did break up.

if i was in your position, he's my bf now, i trust him whole heartedly, that box is his property and maybe even one day he will get over it and chuck the box away, he might have just needed a bit more time...

just because he loved her doesnt mean he doesnt love YOU. a lot of people keep memory boxes...4 yrs is a long time to be with someone, so i dont think its that odd that he has one.
and when he said he never told anyone he loved them..maybe he meant that he never meant it the same way he does with you

you opened it when he warned you not to
so in some ways it wasn't completely his fault
the past is the past. the past won't change
you should trust him more and let this go :x

Sounds like those dramas, hahaha.
You have to keep in mind that that's the past already, and you're the one he loves now. Maybe he's gone through some terrible things where he had to/felt it was necessary to lie.
IMO, I don't think you should dwell on a matter like this. "/

am i the only one who thinks he isn't over her? maybe he's had so many gfs to try to forget her.

agreed with all.

four years is a long time to develop the relationship. i would be more surprised that he didn't show any lovey dovey sentiments after all that time

when he says that she made him who he is. i would take it that they had a very healthy nurturning relationship that taught him how to love, and he is bestowing that gift onto you

you love him for who he is, and since he's been made a guy who's more open to love and caring relationships, you can only benefit

i can't say that he loved anyone else more, cuz everyone has different sentiments for everyone.

it really is only 5 months.. after the novelty wears off, you'll go thrrough the true test of whether or not it's love and not having 'fallen in love'

good luck, but i think you should talk to him in a non-confrontational way about it

because i think he's going to be able to tell that you act different around him, distant because you feel resentful and like you're hiding something

truth hurts though, and honestly i get the feeling he'll still try to downplay what was between them, but i think he's just trying to ease your mind that you're the important one in his life now.

don't hold his past against him, your future needs work, leave the past alone

`c0ntagiousMUFFIN
luvelyasian
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klx13


THANK YA'LL. WHAT YOU SAID HELPED ME A LOT. I FEEL SOMEWHAT BETTER NOW. AND I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP WORKS AND SHOW THAT 4YRS EX OF HIS THAT I AM THE ONE FOR HIM.

you do know, if you confront him about it, hes going to snap.... i say, trust him and live on as if you didnt see it..

what matters now, is that he's with you, not her

I dont think it's a big deal.
It's his past, everyone has one either it's big or small.
He warned you not to open it, and told you what you might feel if you look at it.
Maybe ur bf just wants to keep the gud memories some people do, do that. they keep the gud memories and throw away the bad ones and move on. At least he's with you, and it's not like he's cheating on you.
It's just a box filled with gud memories of his.
If i were you, of course i would feel a bit uneasy... but it's his past and he can't go back.
So might as well move on to the future. btw, that box did help you to stop crying. ^^"

most people keep the old memories, good or bad...its memories that brings you back to those days

i think you shouldnt be too worried to be honest...there's a reason you're with him and she's not...right? :]

Wow... it's like real-life Pandora's Box...
Curiosity killed the cat~
Nothing much you can do now... not like you can inflict selective memory loss on yourself.

Hi dear, I know how you feel. Before my husband and I were married, he had this locked suitcase in his closet and I asked him what was in it. He said it was personal stuff. I told him since we're together and living in the same house, we share things, what can you have that's personal? So one day, he was at work and I was bored and put in a code and his suitcase unlocked. I found all sorts of things in there... he had told me at the beginning that I was the first person he's ever told he loves, blah blah blah but then I find out that he had lived with a girl before and all sorts of other things. I bring it up to him and he just shrugs it off and told me I was being jealous.

I was really upset cuz I talked to his friends and they told me that he had lived with a girl before... but I thought about it.. he's with ME now and he loves ME not someone else. That's what you gotta remember, it doesn't matter if he had loved someone else in the past, it's now that what matters.

what can I say

curiousity killed the cat

^ But satisfaction brought it back?


Don't look into it means just that. Don't look into it.
It's questionable whether it was a "test" or not. I'm not saying it is, I'm not saying it isn't.
We all have pasts we wish we could change or erase, but it's not that easy.
All you have to remember is that he loves you now and he's with you, not his ex. ^^
I know it's hard, but try to let it go.

I think a lot of times people lie to the people they care most about not because they're hiding anything horrible, but they're still afraid it'll hurt them. Let's face it, exes are a touchy subject. There's no way to know how serious the feelings were. He knows that and I'm sure he lied because he was trying to not hurt you. And, being completely honest, he probably does have some feelings towards her, but I seriously doubt it's love anymore.. I'm sure he'll probably always feel a certain fondness towards her because of the memories they share, but that doesn't mean you need to worry. He has many memories with you and will hopefully have many many more to come, right?

Also, he's right about it making him who he is today. No matter what it is, if you love who he is now you have his past to thank for that. Trust him. There's a reason you're his girlfriend now. Good luck!

Hunny, don't worry about it. One day my boyfriend went onto my myspace account (he knows that he is allowed to) and read through my old messages. I have never deleted a message before and of course, he saw the ones from my ex. When he confronted me about it, I told him, "John look. There is a reason that I am with you. It's because I love you. Not my exes, not anybody else. I'm with YOU. Those memories are just that. Memories. They're past and you're my future." I'm sure that your boyfriend would say the same thing to you.

Those are just old memories. You are his future. Don't worry about it.

it was a 4 year relationship you have to keep that in mind. those four years probably
meant a lot to him, first love maybe, and he kept all those things in a box. he didnt
want to tell you because you guys were only dating five months compared to his
four year. so you must give it time and if he loves you he'll tell you about the box
and the reason he doesnt want you to know. you dont know that maybe that relationship
scarred him beyond belief and he wanted to "start over" with a fresh heart. but it is
wrong that you went through it, cause it changed ur relationship.

Well, it was already over .. and he placed it in the attic right?
Someplace where memories are stored.

You have the right to feel the way you do, but you probably shouldn't bring it up with him.
What's past is past, as long as he's not exchanging "I love yous" with the girl now, I don't think you have a problem.
He cried when he left, didn't he? That alone says a lot. :\
Try your best to accept things as they were between them, but just know that it's the past.
You're the one he's with now, and you're the one he's going to come back to after his training, not her.

i don't think anyone can forget a love like that, so don't expect him to. He's with you in the present. If you worry and start all being distant, then it just might actually end your relationship. Keep loving him the way you did before you opened the box. Trust and have faith.

Right first of all, I'm sorry you feel such betrayal I'll give you that.
I hope you guys work this out in the end because you sound like a dream couple

BUT by invading his privacy I feel you've ripped a hole in his trust. He asked for you not to look but you did and I'm sure in the end he'll be okay with it but to go break someone privacy I'm thinking that's not a good idea

So much for trusting anyone these days. A promise is a promise. Arent those meant to be kept?

harsh as this sounds, I think you're kind of overreacting, honestly. and you're not looking at everything the right way.

you and his ex are two completely different people. just because he loved her before doesn't mean he doesn't love you now. and, look, he was with her for four years. you can't say that she loved him more than you love him... you've only been together for five months. and you probably love him for some different reasons than she loved him. people love in their own ways. don't trip about this. and plus, people change, even after a few months. he's probably different from how he used to be when he was with her. you can love him for your own reasons, and you shouldn't have to worry about "how much" you love him. what should matter is that you DO love him.

now, look at what he told you about their break up. he was driving to see her, he was trying, and she wasn't trying. that, to me, proves what your boyfriend said about her "not caring."

the past is the past. you're his present, you're what matters right now.

and if he referred to it as "what made him" then it's probably because it changed his views on love and life. every relationship is a learning experience, I'm sure you know that.

I don't think you should bring it up with him. it wouldn't be wise. even though you'd probably be burning to ask about it everyday, I think you should just concentrate on BEING with him when he's there. appreciate his presence while you can. and try to accept the fact that this girl changed him. in fact, tell yourself that she changed him for the better, so that YOU could have him the way you love him now.

think positively. always. don't ever think he loves you any less just because he loved someone else. if he says you mean more to him than she did, then you should probably listen to him.

I hope you feel better.

I know that he loves me now, he left me a video clip in my fone before he go, and said "....I told you that I love you, but I don't think you understand that I mean it, I don't say it just to say...." I'm also the first girl he's ever lived together with, and the 1st one that he's ever met her parents (and living with them too. Me, my parents and him live together, they love him a lot)

But I just can't stand the fact that he lied, you know? I asked him many many times before, if I'm the 1st one he said the 3 words to, and he said yes. I want to force the truth out of him but don't know how. I can't stand being lied to.

you wanted to look into the box so that maybe you'd find something to make you hate him a little rather than you missing him too much. you got what you wanted.