This is a very complicated situation, so PLEASE READ THE WHOLE POST. I know this is very long, but i really need help on this issue. some of the things i posted are trivial, but i posted everything cuz i really want the best possible analysis of the situation.
Ok there's this guy i know. I met him at the end of last december. We spent about 3-4 days together due to a church conference. I met him when we went out to go eat korean bbq. He was very sweet, waiting for our table to finish up (even though his table/friends were already done and were walking about a block ahead). We did all nighters (with about 3 other friends). We played truth and dare and stuff. He asked me stuff like, "wat would u do if u had a million dollars" etc, nothing too personal since we just met that day. We all went to bed around 8 in the morning.
The next day, we were in the game room again playing cards. He sat next to me and we played a game similar to hearts (all i remember is that i sucked at it). Every round i would forget he joined the game and i'd be like "aww, i lost it..." then he'd be like "hey wait!!" then put down his card and he would lose. One point in the game however, i unknowingly helped him and he was all like, "cuz (my name)'s my friend!!" Then i went to bed cuz i was tired. I asked him the next day to ask wat else happened that day and he said everyone went to bed shortly after i left and that i didn't miss out on much.
The next day, on New Years eve we all went to an asian mall where we had sushi, looked around, took photos. We didn't really talk, since i was busy shopping etc. We did hang out at the end though. When we were taking the subway back, he saw me, uh...talking and stretching one of my guy friend's faces (it was like a momentary thing...everyone was doing it for some reason). Then the guy i liked...for some reason looked kinda sad, then went to sit on the stairs of the train's entrance." I saw this and went over to him. We talked, me and some of my friends began stretching his face and taking pics, looked at his ipod nano etc. He seemed happier.
Then was the New Years eve party. We had a dance corner and we went there. I'm not very good at dancing, so i didn't really dance. He came up to me a few times, took my drink away and was like "u need to dance" (we were like dancing in a group, and since this is a church thing, its not really like dirty dancing). He told me after the dance, "u weren't dancing." I told him that i'm kinda shy and he was like "its ok. no one's goofier than me."
Then we decided to go to a new years pho at midnight. I ended sitting with him and 2 other guys. At first i didn't want to eat and i was gonna only order a drink, saying i ate too much sushi earlier. He was all like, "that was 12 hours ago u should eat something." then about 5mins later, he was like "sorry if i pushed u to eat..." (he later told me he's not the type to say the word 'sorry'). We had a light chit chat with other people in the table (nothing serious), then we walked back.
Then we decided to go the game room again and play cards. He didn't play- instead he brought his guitar down and played songs to himself and stuff in the corner. After about 5 to 10mins, he came to our table and we all played a hand slapping game. Whenever he slapped my hand, he would kinda blush and hit it lightly. Then after the game, we sat around and sang worship songs. Then we started just playing random chords and making up lyrics about people that were there. When he did my lyric, it went something like "(my name)..my voice will last to the end of this song for you x2"- no one really heard this though cuz there was a bit of talking (not loud talking, just one or 2 ppl) but i heard it cuz i was almost right next to him (1 person between us). Then i went to him to ask for his msn, and he gave it to me blushing...
Then we decided to go up to the lobby and sit around and talk (supposed to be truth and dare, but no one felt like doing a dare so...). It was like a talk where girls can ask guys questions and vice versa. I asked about this other guy i liked at that time and wat i should do (it was one of those situations where both the guy and his friend liked me as well). Then HE was like, "I'M not gonna give advice here." and lied down on the coffee table, which i was sitting on (no his head was not on my lap). I talked about other things, like how other korean girls kinda whine (oppa~~~, if u know wat i mean) and how i feel really uncomfortable doing that and acting cute. He was like, "i hate that. I hate it when korean girls in my school do that. etc etc." Also, one girl talked about a guy that keeps calling her etc (and she had a bf) and what she should do. He told her to get her bf to call that guy. And i was like "really??" Then he sat up and was like, "first it a phone call, then its *punches fist to his other hand* no warning." Then he went away to take a phone call. When he did that, one the other guys came to sit next to me. When he came back, he complained very audibly "AWW, i can't lie down anymore!!" Then we continued talking, and about an hour later, went to mcdonalds. During macdonalds, he didnt sit next to me though. After that we went to pack then met up in the lobby. I told them i was leaving around 10 and i did. However, i forgot something and i came back. He was all like "She's back!!" I stayed a bit, and asked him on how he became christian. He said he didn't wanna talk about it cuz he had no sleep and his head/mind was not in the right place. He told me how to get to the station and i gave everyone a hug and left again.
I got home around 11pm. I added everyone onto my msn then went to bed. I woke up to find out that around 2am to find that he msg'd me. We talked later that day, talking about wat we did after conference etc...his messed up sleep schedule etc.
We've had msn conversations almost everyday. I talked to him about my school projects, stressful stuff etc. It was nice talking to him. I would tell him i was really stressed and he would talk to me about them, getting me to think rationally and calm myself. I also talked to him about my other problems such as my eating disorder that i still had to work on. I talked to him about this twice. The first time i asked him (if he noticed, cuz many ppl do without even looking at me eat), he said he noticed at pho when i wouldn't eat, but the second time i asked, he waited a moment and said he didn't notice until i told him.
He told me things like, "I think you're fine the way you are" and that i shouldn't let what some Korean guys say affect me like that and that no one could tell me i'm not good enough. He also told me a little about his family background etc. He didn't tell me about his past/how he became christian saying that i would probably never talk to him again if he did.
He also did some other nice things to me, like send me songs (1 worship song, 1 song from 1litre of tears called flow of time or something). Also, i told him that i was working on an assignment one time and he was doing an essay. I asked him to not logoff msn. Turns out he stayed up with me- he finished his essay around 4 but i was still working well into 6/7am. When i told him i finished, he told me he's going to bed. i really had not expected this- i thought he was just gonna leave his msn on or something...didn't expect this...
Then, for spring break, i went where he was cuz my brother lives there too. I met up with him and had lunch at a korean restaurant. He was unusually quiet...which made me a bit uncomfortable. i picked the restaurant cuz he said he's not good at that (he knew i wanted to go to korean though and he didn't have a problem with it). He pointed out a restaurant that he said he always wanted to goto, but i really wanted to go to korean so...ne ways, we talked about this and that. We talked about how he travelled to different countries when he was younger and stuff
Then in the convo, we talked about eating disorders again. I asked him about his friend who he had helped with an eating disorder before and if she fully recovered. He talked about how he helped and stuff. I asked him to help me. He was kinda reluctant cuz 1)he lives 4hrs away 2) it strains the relationship (he had told me the last reason before, like how it had strained his relations with his friend).
Then we went to bbt afterwards and this is when something really awkward happened. I told him that he was unusually quiet. He waited a minute, then asked me what i thought of a guy who wants the girl to make the first move? i was really taken off guard... so i was like... 'i don't know'. then i said something along the line of how girls are reluctant cuz they're scared etc. i really didn't know wat to say. He told me about a 'girl' he likes (like she doesn't go to his school, he invited her to some group thing last week but it didn't work out etc). I fit into those- like i live 4hrs away, so i goto a different school, he was supposed to come to my town with his church friends but he couldn't cuz exams etc. He told me that he likes to take a girl out to group events before officially asking her out, and he invited me to one that was happening that night earlier. i told him i couldn't go cuz i had plans earlier with my brother and he started to tell me ideas on how to blackmail my brother so i could go (jokingly). I ended up going to the event. When i was there, i gave something to a guy there to ask him to pass it onto another guy friend- i needed that guy friend to pass it onto another girl. When i said the last part ("tell him to give it to (insert girl's name), the he was like, "ooo its for another giirrrllll." At the end of the evening, i was like "let's hang out tomorrow, i have nothing planned ne more... (i told him i was booked earlier)." he was like "we'll see." He didn't want to take me to his church or ne thing cuz it was far or something
A few days later, i was getting really confused about what he said in the beginning, so i called him to ask if the 'girl' was me. He was like "what...noo...it's not you." Then he was like why did u think it was you, then i told him why and he just told me it wasn't me. I asked him y he hasn't asked this 'girl' out, and he told me that it was complicated on both sides. He told me that he had 'self-doubt'. As for the girl, when asked what the problem was (i told him he didn't have to answer) he said "i don't know." He also said "I've known you only for like X amount of days at conference and then the rest was just msn talk." and that "u don't, u don't just jump into relationships like that!!"
After that, i came back to my house. i didnt talk to him for about a week, then i msg'd him to say i was ok. he was like "i see". After that we began talking regularly again, but the msn convos weren't as good as before. I talked to him about how i'm having some personal issues (trust issues, how i really don't let people get to know the real me and how i have a "wall" with people, my fears, identity things etc). I told him, i "test" people on whether i should take them seriously or not and how i "test" the genuineness of people. He was like "y do u do this?" i told him i do it for protection. Then he posted something on facebook about his "ideal" wife and how he would love her and treat her with utmost respect etc etc.
But then, for some reason, i kinda began to have doubts about him (not sure why, maybe cuz of wat his friends said about him being immature, and he told me that he doesn't understand why his friends call him a player). I didnt see ne of this type of character coming from him, but i for some reason had doubts... and it showed. I would talk to him about another guy friend that i used to like (who goes to his school, is in the same christian club as him, same group of friends as him but don't really know each other) to see how he reacts. He didn't react very well, like he would not really talk a lot then and tell me to stop worrying about him etc. I also kinda in a way, criticized his character and stuff (call him a player- i over did this) just to see how he reacts etc. i also stumbled on some topics that he didn't wanna talk about like his past, future etc
I felt really bad about doing this so i sent him a msg on facebook apologizing and telling him to msg me on msn when he read this. He decided to log back onto msn 3days later. I asked him if he got the msg i sent and asked him when he got it. He said he got the msg when i sent it. I asked him y he didn't respond earlier, and he didn't answer. He told me that it was ok and not to worry so much. I told him i was scared that our friendship ended and he (in his exact words) said, "I don't have the guts to do that."
I asked him how he was doing in school etc. He said he was doing good, but he didn't ask me back. We talked a bit and i asked him a question i was discussing with one of his friends (she was a good friend of mine too). He didn't want to answer the question at first, but did so eventually because i insisted. He told me that he didn't think it was a good idea for us to talk so often cuz when we do, i fumble for things to talk about and that somethings he is uncomfortable with talking about (he said "let it happen naturally.") he added, "ur not losing a friend. we should just talk less."
to add- we talk almost everyday on msn, although i usually initiate the convo cuz i really enjoy talking to him. I've also heard from him and some of his friends that he is shy (although some friends deny this)
Wat does this mean?? i dont know wat he thinkgs of me as. Here are the responses (from my guy friends) that i have gotten:
1. He liked me but then he convinced himself that this wouldn't work and gave up and now thinks of me as a good friend only.
2. He likes me but he wants to take it slow and do it properly.
3, He likes me but doesn't know it yet.
4. someone also told me that he likes me, but he said the last part to play mind games with me cuz i did it to him- i dont know if guys do this or not...o.O?
Do i have no chance at all??
Soompiers! help!!